If you read Vogue or are, at the very least, chronically online, you’ve probably stumbled across the question, “Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?”
Which, as a Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies major, is an incredibly interesting question to me. In my classes, we spend a lot of time talking about social standards for women and how women were expected to marry and have children. One of my favorite research projects was on The Woman Question, which was a series of questions that arose in the late 19th century to debate women’s roles in society. Marriage was a huge part of that, and people asked questions about whether or not women actually had to get married and what women could do once they got married. Could they work once they got married? Or were they only allowed to take care of the home?
So, this seems to me like a new facet of The Woman Question. In “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now” by Chante Joseph, many women share their own perspectives. Many don’t like sharing that they have a boyfriend because it takes away from their individuality. People focus on the relationship, rather than the woman. Women claim they have more freedom when they’re not in a relationship. As single women, they can do whatever they want at the drop of a hat. They feel more interesting, more exciting.
But does that mean having a boyfriend is embarrassing?
At the moment, I’m single and don’t feel strongly inclined to be dating anyone. My priority has never been to get married and have a family. Some friends of mine already know they want to raise children, and I’ve known for years that I don’t. When people ask me what I want to do in the future or what I hope my life will look like, I list off a bunch of career aspirations and personal goals, like where I want to live or places I wish to visit. As of now, I can’t imagine getting married until I’m at least 30.
And all of that said, I don’t think having a boyfriend is embarrassing.
If being in a relationship is what makes a woman happy, then I fully support it. If she’d rather be single, I’d fully support that, too. In some of my classes, we’ve talked about the question: What makes someone a feminist? Some people wondered if getting married wasn’t a feminist thing to do. Certain feminist movements certainly pushed that idea. Interestingly enough, a Broadway play called “Liberation”, which focuses on second-wave feminism (a feminist movement existing from the 1960s to the early 1980s), explores this: What makes someone a feminist, and is having a boyfriend embarrassing? Some of our main characters in “Liberation” seem to think that having a boyfriend is embarrassing and not very feminist. But it shouldn’t be that way. Feminism can take many forms and is very fluid. To me, it’s about supporting women’s rights and decisions.
So, if a woman wants to have a boyfriend or to get married, and it’s something that will make her happy, then she should do that. If she’d rather remain single, then she should do that instead. Happiness comes in many forms, and people should be able to do whatever makes them happy without feeling embarrassed.
